Friday, February 12, 2010

The dreaded zone

there is one worse zone then being a married women around tiger woods and that is

The friend Zone
now this is a subject i have mastered in so much i wrote a book called "Friend Zone King". It wasn't received well except for north korea they couldn't get enough of it. now i talk for every guy who has ever liked a girl and had to hear these killer words "you are such a good friend". I dont know about you but i am damn hoping she is talking about a friend she finds dead sexy and wants to make out loads with. But in my experience that is never the case.

i like how people say friendship is the first step to a healthy relationship. yeah thats great but wait to long and before you know it they are coming over to your house to watch ps. i love you while snuggle up with you, talking about CHUCK a guy in there uni class they are madly in love with. at that point the chance of you dating that girl is the same as Mario making his jump
my favorite one personally is "you are like the brother i never had". unless you live in Utah that means you are destined to hear about every man that breaks her heart, every jerk that doesn't call her back. every wank that didn't pay for the movie.
so i have learnt recently from my good friend John Travolta in grease. If you treat the girl mean and grease you hair up she will change for you. So bring on my leather jacket and hair comb and those summer nights.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The life long question

So the time has come for another blog and i know you are excited. Actully i dont know but i am hoping. So i bet you are wondering what am i going to talk about next? Wait no longer i will tell you now

Womens obsession with musicians


What do singers, lead guitarists, bass players and drummers all have in common besides all having long hair and wearing eye makeup? drum roll please................They get the women.
It has come to my attention that you can be a self centered arrogant bastard that you wouldnt look twice at if he past you on the street, but as soon as he picks up a guitar and starts playing wonderwall girls knee's start to buckle.
It seems to me that in todays world that every man and his dog can play an instrument, so thinking about it aren't you more unique and original if you dont play anything at all? so my question to you is why isnt this guy getting all the women

Is this not art? Is this not original and creative..............who am i kidding i cant beat them so i will join them.

To all those none musically talented people out there lets jump on board of this craze. so lets pick up our tambourines and triangles (have to start somewhere) and start writting songs about how the world is going bad and it makes us sad (see rhyming already).

so instruments........check, eye liner.........check, myspace band page.........check. next stop womensvill population musicians.

Joel..... i mean Elliott signing out

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

My first blog

well welcome to my first off many blogs. i feel i have a lot to say that the world needs to hear, well come to think of it not really but im going to say it anyway.

ok for my first blog we should talk about something serious, something everyone is thinking but never say so here i go.

Talent VS Looks Not Talent and Looks

I'm angry because its not fair you should have both...... why should you get the cake and eat it...... but saying that if i did get a cake i would probably eat it too, i mean im not just going to sit there with a delicious cake and let it go to waste. there is children starving out there which i hate (thanks gervais)
ok prime example

Cristiano Ronaldo

i have no problem you want to be the world's greatest soccer player. more power to you. but i do start having a problem when you look like that aswell. come on man i want to get a date at some point!!!! you should share the gifts around more like this man

Frank Ribery

now that is more like it. one of the best soccer players in the world but he starts to make me look like brad pitt. so yes ladies you can date him because he is great at soccer but at least he is giving us a chance. its a lose lose against ronaldo.

Another great example,as everyone should know i love acting. I like to think with enough luck i can make it and you are probably saying stop saying luck be positive. but luck is exactly what i need if i have to go up against people like this.

Zac Efron

Why? why god do you do this? ok he can be good looking thank god he is a crap actor..... what he isnt.......well thank god he cant dance..... really he can, play intrusments? thought so he can probably walk on water aswell.
so if me and good old zac went in for an audition it would probably go a little something like this

producer" thanks zac for coming in so great to see you"
zac "no problem guys you know i love working with you all"
producer"so when can we start shooting we will ring your?
Elliott "hmmm excuse me um im also hear aswell
producer "yeah i saw you we dont need any coffee thanks, just close the door behind you"
Elliott " im actully hear to read for the role to......."
producer " oh joel sorry i didnt reckonise you"
Elliott "im not joel im elli...."
Produce " still as funny as every joel, loved avatar"
(Joel moore)
Elliott "again i think you are confusing me"
Producer "yeah yeah i hear you but the thing is joel we are not really going for funny looking in this one if you know what i mean"

i think we get the idea. so please big man upstairs can you start spreading the gifts out just a little bit more even.